Negative again. Cycle 14 of trying, if you count the ones that wreck you. Partner said "next month" like it's weather. I smiled. I don't want to talk about it tonight. I also don't want to be alone with the stick in the bin. Not asking for tips. Just putting it somewhere that isn...
Health
Fertility
TTC, IVF, IUI, loss, secondary infertility, or pausing the journey — this tribe holds space without toxic positivity or comparison charts.
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12 posts
Two week wait. The wait was the day. The stick was not in the room yet
The calendar is still in the wait. Every cramp is a clue I cannot cash. I am not holding a stick. I am not putting anything in a bin. There is no partner weather-sentence yet because there is no result yet. There is a day that will not move and a body that will not stop reporting...
Trying to conceive after miscarriage. The app still remembers the pregnancy that ended
The app still holds a pregnancy that ended. This cycle is trying again anyway. I did not open a calculator. I opened a month that used to have a different ending and found the same pink square waiting like it had not been told. Did trying again show up while the last pregnancy wa...
Secondary infertility. They asked when the sibling was coming. The child was already in the car
Pickup line. Someone asked when the sibling was coming. The living child was already in the car, kicking the seat the way a person who exists kicks a seat. I smiled the way you smile when the question assumes a calendar I do not have. Trying for another did not get cancelled by t...
Unexplained infertility. The folder said normal. The word sat there like a shrug
The folder said normal. Ovulation, tubes, the other lab — fine, they said, like that was supposed to be a gift. Then unexplained sat in the room like a shrug. I had not come in for pain letters. I had not googled a closed door under different letters. I had a stack of fine and a...
Failed IVF cycle. The call came after the wait they timed. Then the clinic went quiet
The phone after the wait they timed. Then the clinic went quiet. I was not in a bathroom with a stick. I was holding a call that used a number I will not repeat here, and then the nurse line that had been daily was not. Did the call after a timed wait arrive for anyone else — and...
IUI failed. The chair was the appointment. Then a period arrived anyway
The chair was already timed. Fifteen minutes, a paper gown, a clock on the wall that belonged to them. I drove back in the same clothes. Days later a period arrived like it had not been in that room. There was no nurse line that had been daily. There was a parking lot and a cycle...
Chemical pregnancy. There was a faint line. Then there was bleeding
I tilted the stick under the bathroom light until a second line was almost a line. Then bleeding, heavier than the period I had been bargaining for. Later a room used a word I had only seen next to photographs. There was no app holding a pregnancy that had already been a square....
Male factor infertility. The envelope had his name. They still looked at me
They slid a paper with his name on the tab. Then the next questions still faced my chair, as if the envelope had been a detour on the way back to me. I had not come in with pain letters. I had not brought a folder that said we were both fine. I had his name on a staple and a room...
Taking a break from trying. The strips went in the drawer. I did not open the app
The strips went in the junk drawer under the takeout menus. I did not open the app. There was no nurse line that stopped calling. There was a morning that used to start with a timer and then did not. The badge on the phone is still there. I am leaving it red. Did pausing show up...
Pregnancy announcements when trying. A shower showed up on the feed
A shower showed up on the feed between two ordinary lunches. Yellow napkins. A bump I had not been told about in a room. I was still counting a wait that had no stick in it yet. I did not click. I put the phone face down next to a mug that had gone cold. Did someone else’s announ...
How long to try to get pregnant. The form asked the months before it asked about me
The clipboard’s first line was how long. An age was already sitting in a box I had not spoken into. They had not asked about a cycle or a stick. They had a number of months and a look that treated the number as the appointment. Did the form ask the months before it asked about yo...