The printout in the chair pocket still talked like a study from twenty years ago was the whole story. They said we can wait. HRT sat in the room like a third person nobody would finish introducing. I was not in a client meeting. I was not holding a start date. I was holding a wor...
I typed do I have PCOS again last night. Same tabs. Cycles that wander past five weeks. Chin hairs I pull and then pretend I didn't. The lists want a tidy package — cysts on a scan I haven't had, a fertility crisis I am not in, a before-and-after photo. I have two messy things an...
The sentence was short. You have PCOS. Then we were packing up. No leaflet I could actually use. No “this is what I mean by that.” I had the name in the parking lot and almost nothing else. I was relieved and not, in the same hour. The tabs opened themselves on the phone — the sa...
They looked at the fact I still bleed and used an age like a stamp. Too young. The word stayed in the hallway. The calendar had already started lying — shorter, then a surprise, then the old length again. I did not have a quiz in my pocket. I had a still-bleeding sentence and a b...
8 months. People keep saying it gets easier. Maybe for some. Yesterday he fell asleep on my chest after a feed — the photo people post. I looked at him and felt flat. Not hate. Not love. Just nothing. Then guilty for the nothing. Then angry at myself for keeping score on feelings...
The HR portal. A dropdown that wanted a category. I was not sending a one-line that I could not sit upright. I was trying to get a Tuesday at home onto a calendar that only knows sick hours. Status: pending. The form does not have a box for a flare week. Did anyone else try to pu...
Left my PM job six weeks ago. People keep asking if I feel "better yet." Tuesday I sat in the car park after groceries and couldnt go inside for twenty minutes. Not a breakdown — just off. Like my body was still at my desk answering Slack. I napped at 2pm without "earning it" and...
I did the version everyone recites — smaller plate, more steps, as if the body had not heard of math. I was already tired. The hunger got louder, not quieter. That is the part I do not know how to say without sounding like I am making excuses. This is not a request for a PCOS die...
Six months. I thought I was doing the thing — deleting photos, muting, all of it. Saw him in a coffee shop yesterday. Same order. Same laugh with someone I don't know. I didn't go over. I didn't hide. I paid and left. Cried in the car after. Felt stupid for ten minutes, went home...
They drew blood I could not name. Then they booked the scan like that was the sentence. I sat with a full bladder and a head full of pictures from the internet — polycystic as a cluster of proof. I already had the long cycles. I already had the chin. The room still behaved as if...
Three a.m. The sheet is stuck to my chest and then I am cold in the same minute. I peel it back. The other person in the bed does not wake. This is not a client meeting. There is no bathroom performance of fine. There is a pile of damp cotton and a clock that thinks the night is...
GP appointment today — third one about my cycles this year. Still anywhere from 35 to 90 days. Skin flaring again. Tired in a way sleep doesn't fix. I brought a symptom list because last time I walked out and forgot half of what I meant to say. She glanced at it, asked if I'm try...
Flare day. Heating pad, nausea, the kind of pain that makes you breathe weird. I called in sick. My manager replied "again?" with a question mark — like I'm choosing this. I sent a one-line "I can't sit upright today" and felt like I was oversharing just to be believed. Still wai...
In the car I almost said the word. Then I talked myself back into a bad period. The phone offered a quiz. I did not tap it. I do not have a tidy third thing the lists want. I have pain that wrecks a day and a story that still sounds ordinary when I say it out loud. Did anyone els...
I pack extra underwear in the laptop bag now. Not every week — only the weeks I have already gone long enough that I stop trusting the calendar. Last week it was seventy-something days of nothing. Then it arrived in a hotel bathroom between meetings. The gap is not restful. You s...
3:12 a.m. again. Not anxious-panic — just awake, like someone flipped a switch. My brain started rehearsing an email I already sent on Monday. Then tomorrow's to-do list. Then whether I'm broken because melatonin stopped working. Lying there doing the math on hours left again. St...
My calendar is boring. Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, nothing dramatic. Someone used that as a no — if the periods are regular it cannot be PCOS. I did not have a speech ready. I had chin hair and a sentence that did not match the poster. I am not asking this thread to diagnose me. I...
The letters were already on the chart. Then they asked if I had thought about getting pregnant — like that was the next treatment. I had come in for pain. Paper gown, a plot I had not brought. I am not holding a stick tonight. I am sitting with a sentence that turned the visit in...
Left eight months ago. Still reread old texts sometimes — not to miss them, to check if I remembered right. They said I "always twisted things." I said I was too sensitive. Now I can't tell if my memory is unreliable or if that was the point. I'm not in danger now. I'm just slow...
The tech turned the screen. Gel still in my hairline when the printer started. Unremarkable uterus and ovaries — that was the whole paragraph. In the hallway someone said if it was endometriosis they would see it. I put the disc in the paper sleeve on the passenger seat and sat w...
